Belated Note to Self

(It’s April, so it’s National Poetry Writing Month. One prompt I saw this morning was to find a picture of your younger self and write a poem describing the mood and telling your younger self something about the future. I had just the thing already on my mind.)

You there, aged 30,
Holding hands with your future husband,
Asked to stand for a posed photo,
Caught with your eyes half closed,
Seeming to make some smart remark
To mask your discomfort,
Or maybe to help you relax—

Your other hand in your pocket,
Signals nonchalance
While providing safety.
Your sassy expression
Belies your insecurity:
What does this friend of T’s
Behind the camera make of you?

You with short hair,
Your enormous ears only liberated
These few years–
You in sandals
Only since the previous summer
Because at 14 a boy said your feet were weird,
You in baggy clothes to hide your fat–

You hated your big nose,
You hated your slanting shoulders,
You hated the fuzz on your arms,
You hated your non-waist,
You hated your huge ass,
You hated the hair on your legs,
You hated your thick ankles—

You will look at yourself,
Decades from now,
And wonder–
Why?