Thoughts While Waiting for a Locksmith

I locked myself out of my car at a convenient store a while ago, for the umpteenth time. I used the store’s phone to call a locksmith and, pacing back and forth outside during the first hour (long story), I found myself having thoughts more or less along these lines:

This could take a while Ice cream No! How can I occupy my mind Like how would I prevent going crazy in a tiny cell for twenty-five years I could recite all the children’s books and poems I know by heart Which ones do I know again Goodnight Moon, um, what else, what else I wonder if pacing back and forth ew dead roach in a tiny cell all day for twenty-five years would improve my focus Goodnight Moon–do I even know that one word for word Let’s see Goodnight room, goodnight how much weight would I lose pacing back and forth all day in a tiny cell for twenty-five years Focus! I could try and remember everything that happens in my favorite children’s books and pretend I’m telling the story to someone Would I need to raise my heart rate in order to lose weight Ice cream No! Let’s see what books would be suitable Little House in the Big Woods–no The Hundred and One  Dalmations, um Perhaps sitting down would help my focus more Well, even if I can only think of The Hundred and One Dalmations, it should take me at least a few years to perfect it So, the Dearlys lived in London, in a house with a mews Or was it on the mews Depends on what a mews is, really Or a mew. Why have I never oh my god, I’d hate to be that guy’s wife He has “Asshole” written all over him Anyway, the Dearlys Mr Dearly did something wonderful for the government, something what if my credit card is maxed I wonder if the locksmith accepts checks I’m thirsty It’s getting hot Ice cream No!…

Yeah, I’d definitely go stark raving mad if I were stuck in a tiny cell for twenty-five years. So I suppose I’ll just have to behave myself.