Eponymous Me


image: Franz Kafka

image: Franz Kafka

Kafka, Marx, Orwell, Sade–no reason why I shouldn’t end up on that list. Here’s what I imagine my contribution to Webster’s to be:

Barbarist:

(Noun) Definition: a person who wants the space and beauty of America, but believes that everything else should be more like the Netherlands.

“Those damn barbarists with their multi-party blather and and their whining about how great universal healthcare would be–I’m telling you, they want to undermine America. They want to destroy our great nation. They should all be rounded up and sent back where they came from.”

Barbaralistic:

(Adjective) Definition: imagining a world in which there are no homeless people, or where the previously homeless can manage because every driver feels the urge to share some of his wealth the moment a person on the median holds up a sign asking for help.

“I was in a hurry and it looked like I was going to get lucky at that traffic light on 6th and Mopac. Then–wouldn’t you know it–one of those barbaralistic hippies in a car covered in stickers had to stop in front of me when the light was only just yellow, so she could give a dollar to that loser hobo. So I got there 90 seconds late, damn it.”

Barbara:

(Noun) Definition: behavior typified by forgetfulness and consequently being late or altogether absent for an appointment.

“I waited for an hour, and then he called and pulled a barbara on me.”

Barbaresque:

(Adjective) Definition: A manner of ordering a particular dish in a restaurant, such as without the crispy wontons, without the egg, about half the olives, take it easy on the cheese, dressing on the side, I’d like to replace the refried beans and sour cream with extra avocado and could I please have a knife as well as a fork?

“The waiter usually didn’t need to write the orders down, but he always had his pad and pen ready for the occasional barbaresque customer.”

 

 

7 responses to “Eponymous Me

  1. Substitute Irene for Barbara and you have the first synonym to add to the Webster’s.

    It is almost scary how often you write what I am thinking. Knowing I am not alone in this makes me feel a little better. Thanks!

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  2. Pingback: Daily Prompt: A Name for Yourself – Long live Angloswisslogical | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  3. It’s great learning new vocab. Thanks for introducing me to the various forms of barbara. If a barbarist is passionate about coffee, I think that makes her a barbarista?

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  4. “I was late to work because I got stuck behind a Barbarite on a bakfiet hauling meals for the homeless.”

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